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Truth is, your kids may be experimenting with it long before you as a parent are ready to have ”the talk.”  Four years ago, maybe the only thing you associated with “hope” was the hope of three hours of uninterrupted sleep. “Change” was most commonly followed by “diapers.” But it’s 2012, and your children are older and dangerously vulnerable: science has demonstrated that children begin toying with Republicanism far earlier than previously thought.

Thanks to technology, cable news, and a trend toward increasingly uninhibited (if not unhinged) political expression, children are regularly exposed to the kind of extreme views once associated only with Thanksgiving dinners and ”that uncle.” Fortunately, parents can use a number of early strategies to ensure their children are politically balanced and do not fall victim to the simple-minded seduction of the far right.

Just as Joe Camel once enticed children into tobacco addiction, the two parties’ cartoon mascots are an early gateway. With its kid-friendly (if lumbering) elephant, the GOP has the edge over the Democrats’ donkey. Your kids will view Republicans as the party of Babar and Dumbo: joyous orphans who faced the hardships of life on their own, without assistance from any central authority.

Meanwhile, the only donkey in most kids’ lives is Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh’s compatriot who never stops whining about his lot in life. While Eeyore does exhibit a glum, enjoyable humor, it is of the sort most associated with adult characters like Woody Allen. And there is only one child in the world who has ever loved Woody Allen.

To level the playing field, well-known nursery rhymes can be adapted to deliver basic messaging to inoculate your kids from what they’re sure to overhear this overheated fall campaign season. Whether it’s the telltale red rings of scarlet fever or early substandard bridge construction capabilities of London engineers, children have always learned well through these simple verses.

Here’s a helpful example:
Head, shoulders, knees and toes (Knees and toes!)
Head, shoulders, knees and toes (Knees and toes!)
And eyes and ears and mouth and nose,
Head, shoulder, knee and toe injuries are all now covered by Obamacare!

Or:
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again or pay off his student loan.

Or:
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star
How I wonder what you are but will never know because the Tea Party cut funding to NASA.

Of course, some critics will find these rhymes lacking in policy specifics, much like certain convention speeches. So we’ve prepared a few talking points to help your little pundit master the hot-button issues they’re sure to hear about between now and November 6.

What is Medicare? When mommies and daddies get very old, even older than now, they sometimes get sick and need help. Medicare helps old mommy and daddy stay alive.
What is a super PAC? Well, when a very, very rich man and a candidate love each other very, very much, they touch each other in a special place called a 501c(4) while gazing deeply into each other’s eyes because they are forbidden by law to communicate. Not long after, a big fat independent-expenditure-only committee is born.
What are family values? Well, sweetie, that’s a term a mommy or daddy uses when one of them married the wrong person.
If you paid lower taxes, wouldn’t you have more money to spend on toys? Years of data now prove that the Laffer Curve theory supported by supply-siders is little more than voodoo economics, with no measurable impact on workers’ incentive to maximize potential output or save that can be tied to cuts in marginal tax rates or capital gains. Also, did you know Ronald Reagan smelled like Bubbe? He did.
What is abortion? Hey, who wants some ice cream?!

Above all, adults should be sure to speak to kids about politics in the same patient, positive and reasonable manner they use when talking about politics with other adults.

Remember, Republicans are not born. They are made, after being born. As a parent, you have the power to shut that whole thing down.